Tuesday, November 25, 2014

This Wasn't My Dream...

I'm giddy that my children are napping at the same time, my house is clean, and I have completed 7 dinners to be frozen for future use. It's moments like these that I am reminded that "this wasn't my dream..."

When I was a young girl I wasn't aspiring to be a mother like other girls. I wasn't thinking of settling down with a guy. I had big dreams of becoming an independent, talented artist, living in a big city, and partying my whole life. I was going to make my own rules, be a girl boss, have a career, and laugh at the women that did the typical married with kids life. I was never going to have kids....or a husband. Then life really happened. I landed a great job, fell in love, got married bought a house, and guess what---had kids (plural). Everything happened pretty slowly and without thought, it was just a natural occurrence. It's amazing how you go along with what feels good and then look back to see its totally different then what you thought you wanted. 

After I had Ella my intentions of going back to work were thwarted by an overwhelming need to be with her. Guess what? I quit and became a stay-at-home mom, the kind that some young girl with stars in her eyes is praying to God she doesn't become and I'm ok with it. No. I'm not ok. I'm utterly ecstatic. If you would have told me 6-7 years ago, that I would NOT be living my dream of complete independence I would cry..but today I'm happy. I'm happy with all of it. This has become my dream. The thought of not having all of this; markers on the floor (without lids), crayons (broken), pieces of ripped coloring pages, the silence that a nap brings, the smell of just bathed toddler hair, baby breath, the sound of my name off my little girls lips...To not have these things would be a nightmare.

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