Where I've been, where I'm at, and why none of it really matters...
As
I was headed (here) to my favorite spot in all of Sarasota, the
Ringling Bridge, I was thinking about what I wanted to post about. What
do I want to talk about; motherhood, natural living, or having a hot
husband ::shoulder shrug::? As I was crossing my favorite bridge I noted
the running path along the sides and I was quickly taken back to a
memory (or a hundred), of running along that path the times that I have.
It seems like decades ago that I was childless, training for a half
marathon, and had ZERO time constraints. Who was that person? That girl?
The "endurance" athlete who had not experienced natural childbirth, the
girl giddy for her medal who hadn't overcome breastfeeding challenges,
the girl who had no clue what it was like to love someone more than
herself. She's such a faded memory. It's like my current life with
children has eclipsed all that I knew, all that I was, and now it's
affected all that I will ever be. I don't wish for my old life. I don't
wish to go back. I just wish that when I HAD it I really understood what
it was; carefree and independent.
This week
has been so challenging for me. I'm seeing my sweet baby girl blossom
into and inquisitive little girl and my son is hitting the same
milestones that I feel like Ella was hitting just yesterday. It's
becoming all too real and I'm realizing more and more how quickly time
is fluttering past me and I'm recalling instances with my kids as blurry
memories. This is scary shit people. Is Christian with adult children,
going to look back on Christian with babies and think "I wish she knew
what she had..."?
The answer is YES.
So
I will capture it. I will breathe it in and let it soak to the core of
my soul. I will laugh harder, play the game Sneaky Snacky Squirrel with
Ella 100 more times (it's her favorite), and I will play peek-a-boo with
Wilde like its the last time everyday. One day...the games will be put
away and the peek-a-boos will be traded for real goodbyes and until that
moment I will enjoy every single moment while I can.
Young Child-less Christian,
You
did the best you could with the knowledge that you had. I really wish
that you would have slept more but you liked to party...
Current Christian,
Leave
this spot right now and go cuddle your husband and kiss on your babies.
There isn't a blog, a business, a website, or a project in this world
that is more important than them. Go steal time sister.
Ps--as
I was leaving my spot on the bridge I saw one of the girls that I used
to run with. She didn't recognize me and ran right past. Funny how
things work out..
