The Truth: I have Ulcerative Colitis

I don't think I'm going to post this.

I live in agony. 

Thats sort of weird to admit but it's the truth. It's the truth that I have been hiding for a long time. I'd say I have been hiding and sweeping it under the rug for about 3 years. I don't like to tell anyone or talk about it. It's a mixture of being in denial, embarrassed and sad. It's caused me so much pain and embarrassment that I have lost relationships over it, I've had to quit activities that I enjoy and sometimes I can't/don't want to leave my house. Its weird how much it has effected me and I haven't even been able to admit it. 

I don't think I'm going to post this.

I have ulcerative colitis.

Ughhh. Thats the first time I have ever typed that out. Not the "ulcerative colitis" part, I have typed out those words far too many times in the Google search engine. It's the "I have" part that I have never typed out. I also haven't been officially diagnosed with it (that happens tomorrow) but I know that I have it. 

If you don't know what ulcerative colitis is, I can try to explain it. It basically means that the lining of my lower GI has been damaged because of an auto-immune response. There is no "cure" for it but there are "management" measures that can be taken. The symptoms of UC can be pretty nasty and I'd rather not get into it. You can Google it if you'd like to…I pretty much have all of it. Sucks. It's embarrassing. 

I'm not in the midst of a flare-up right now (thank God) but I was a few weeks ago. I don't know how long I'll be ok, how long a flare-up will last or what causes either of these two events. All that I know is that it's a roller coaster. It's probably really hard for you to understand how difficult this situation is and I'd love the opportunity to put into perspective but I can't. If you're looking for perspective on this monster there are a few great bloggers that have written about this subject that have really…"captured the essence?"

The treatment plan (possibly) looks like this; IV steroids, medications that aren't safe for pregnancy and frequent medications to relieve the symptoms associated with this incurable disease. NO THANK YOU!

I'm a healthy person (at least I try). 

I eat consciously, organic and clean. 

I am so mad.

I don't know what to do.

I know how to eat. 

I preach health/wellness yet I'm not well...

I am posting this because I need your help! 

Tomorrow at 9AM I'm going to see my GI Specialist and I need to figure out what to do. Do you know anyone with UC? I spoke to someone briefly that has it and it was a breath of fresh air, she understood exactly what I'm going through but she wasn't local to Sarasota.

**UPDATE: I went to the doctor after this was written and got my "official" diagnoses. I'll be writing about my experience soon.**